Grief.

I will never forget a conversation I had with someone I was involved with nearly a decade ago. I had asked if I died today would you have any regrets? They replied, “I mean… I wouldn’t say I wish I married her if that’s what you mean“. First of all- ouch! Second, that’s actually not what I meant. What I meant was, if I left this earth today would you regret how you treated me. Could you say that you were proud of your actions toward me.

What I didn’t know then that I do now, is that is a question I should have asked myself.

Recently, I experienced the loss of someone I knew half of my life and my son lost the most important man in his life, his dad. I found myself asking the same question I asked nearly a decade ago. Did I do everything I could for this person I loved while they were still here?

To be honest, we have never lost someone so close to us. But one thing I am quickly learning about grief is that it loves to highlight every moment—every moment you spent with the person, and every moment you didn’t. And after you exasperated the memories you had with them you start to linger on the missed moments. The missed opportunities, the missed experiences, the missed conversations.

Once I allowed the regret to seep in, I found myself down a dark rabbit hole of what ifs… What if I prayed longer? What if we knew sooner? What if my son lived with his dad the first part of his life instead of high school like we agreed upon? What if…

I was engulfed in a dark place full of regret, and I started to question myself and question God. Then, one day, God seeing me in that dark place, sent someone to tell me this: ‘Regret was the first step to repentance.’

You mean to tell me I didn’t have to stay in this place of regret, that I am currently drowning in? I can acknowledge my regrets, seek forgiveness and let it go?

It was the light I needed at the end of the tunnel.

There are two paths you can take once regret seeps in. One, you can stay in a place of depression, knowing you can never change anything or two, you can allow regret to be the first step to repentance. Forgive yourself, let it go and make sure it never happens again.

I don’t know what you could be going through in your life, but regret has the same exact play book for everyone. To torment you, make you feel hopeless, cause you to want to give up! BUT you don’t have to stay in that place.

Be honest with yourself. Yes, you could have done better. Yes, you could have made a different choice at the time, but there is no changing it now. Forgive yourself, let it go and don’t do it again! That is what true repentance is, never doing it again.

Yes, I still deal with grief.

Yes, I still deal with asking God why. (Which He is graciously helping me through).

Losing someone so impactful to you and your child’s life is not an easy task. I still go through moments of ‘So, who do I share videos and funny stories with about his son?’ ‘Who am I going to consult with about how he is raised? ‘Who’s going to teach him how to be a man?’ But I am so thankful to God for sending me His Holy Spirit who comforts us and instructs us during times like this. Healing from regret doesn’t absolve you from the grief process but it definitely lightens the load.

RELATED VERSES:

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”

2 Corinthians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Written by: Elisarri